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Slowing Down: After Failing my Driver’s Test…
Sitting defeated in the driver’s seat, I reevaluated my assumption about what it would take to become a licensed driver. My stomach filled with dread over the prospect of facing my friends, my sisters, and my parents and telling them that I had failed. I imagined the sympathetic look on my mother’s face. Maybe she would laugh and tell me, “You’re like a car without any brakes speeding downhill,” an analogy which she frequently used to describe me, one that I had to admit was comically applicable to the situation.
BY JESSICA BELLOWS
An object in motion stays in motion, unless acted on by an external force. Reeling forward, then snapping back against the driver’s seat, I felt the full effect of a lesson learned on my very first day of physics class. Today was not supposed to involve unanticipated external forces. Today was the day I would sit in the driver’s seat with freedom at my fingertips, seizing the moment and my independence, in control of my destination. As I stared in shock at the driving instructor’s hand still lingering by the upright emergency brake, the realization slowly came over me, burning into my cheeks and slashing through my pride; I had failed.
How could this rejection be my fate? I am the girl who enjoys taking exams, who likes the challenge of a rigorous test. The prospect of applying new knowledge and pushing myself to test my understanding is exciting. I had memorized the integrals of trigonometric functions to ace calculus tests and delighted in exploring the finer details of diplomatic relations to prepare for U.S. history exams. Why should the drivers’ test be any different? Learning the rules of the road in drivers ed and perfecting the art of the three-point-turn, I assumed, would be all I needed to succeed.
Sitting defeated in the driver’s seat, I reevaluated my assumption about what it would take to become a licensed driver. My stomach filled with dread over the prospect of facing my friends, my sisters, and my parents and telling them that I had failed. I imagined the sympathetic look on my mother’s face. Maybe she would laugh and tell me, “You’re like a car without any brakes speeding downhill,” an analogy which she frequently used to describe me, one that I had to admit was comically applicable to the situation.
Looking back, it seems I’ve always been quite focused on perfecting the art of acceleration, never applying the brake. As a child, I would check out as many books as Coventry Public Library would allow, exhilarated by the thought of racing to finish all of the books before they were due back. Ten years later, I arrive home from school each day, race through my homework, and hurry to track practice where I work to increase speed and build endurance, always preparing for the next event.
Despite the well-intended guidance of those around me, I had never quite mastered the concept of slowing down. Growing up, I embarked on an endeavor of excitement and frustration each week when I attempted to learn a new song on the piano. Sitting beside me on the piano bench, my grandmother would tell me gently that it was better to play slowly, with fewer mistakes, and pick up the tempo once I had mastered the notes. Unfortunately, I was never able to implement this strategy. I’d stumble through new pages of sheet music, playing an annoying number of incorrect notes for anyone listening, but, to my satisfaction, always playing them quickly.
Just like playing the piano, and many things in life, driving a car is not about speed; it’s about balance. When learning to drive, one must learn to maintain speed, adjust for terrain, steer, and, yes, even brake. Much to my dismay, on the cool, crisp, autumn afternoon of my first driver’s test, I did not leave the DMV with my license. Instead I left with a valuable lesson. I’ve learned that, in life, I will not be the object Isaac Newton described, traveling undeterred by outside forces. Newton also said that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Sometimes life requires speed, but other times it requires strength, patience, and resilience. I now understand the need to balance the forces in my life. I have learned to be perceptive and strong willed, recognizing that exercising restraint is just as impressive as focusing on speed.